Nonsense and Poignance

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Only One McShowoff

Just for the sake of clarification, there are a lot of Ryan McDonough's out there, but most of them are not I.

This Ryan McDonough
is not I (I haven't been arrested in years...er, ever).

And this Ryan McDonough is not I (I am fortunate enough to still be alive - God rest his soul).

And finally, this Ryan McDonough is not I (he plays hockey, and I can't skate).

This Ryan McDonough
is I.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Timing Is Everything

And my timing sucks. Of all the games on all the days in all the seasons, I had to pick this one to drop over 300 clams on front row Monster seats. Roy Halladay mowed down our scrub unit who filled in for the regulars (probably still hung over from their late night celebration of another playoff spot), and Wakefield threw a bunch of knuckle-less knucklers (moose knuckles?) which put us in an early hole. The rest of our pitchers fared no better, and 4th string catcher, Dusty Brown, finished up from the mound, giving up just one run to put us down 12-0. I had great seats though.



At least we're in the playoffs. Hopefully it's for more than three games.

And...scene.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Some Calls You Just Don't Want to Take



And...scene.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Nonsense and Poignance on CSNNE's "The Baseball Show"

I called in for the "Web Sox Nation" segment at 6:15 AM Salt Lake City time (I was out there catalyzing the party for NERF at Dew Tour), so I may not sound very energized. Hopefully I let the numbers do the talking.



Glad I didn't swear.

And...scene.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Can You Bench the Captain?

Jason Varitek may be the heart and soul of the Red Sox, but he cannot be our starting catcher anymore. I'm sorry, but he has been a liability at the plate (.212 average, DOWN from a miserable .220 last year), and even behind it.

That's right, 'Tek is no longer a great defensive catcher. Two passed balls (the wild pitch in the second game should have been blocked) in two consecutive games on third strikes and what should have been third outs in the 7th inning against the Angels, our likely ALDS opponent. In one game we recovered and won due to some miraculously bad umpiring, and the other we lost. Not to mention, he canNOT throw out a runner on the base paths - I still seethe at Carl Crawford's SIX stolen bags in a game earlier in the season. Varitek has only thrown out 15 runners all year against 100 stolen bases allowed, making his caught stealing percentage a miserable 13%.

Sure, Victor Martinez isn't much better at throwing out base stealers - 14% - but since joining the Sox he's hitting .330 with power and a knack for driving in runs in the clutch. Varitek is a strikeout, pop-up or double play waiting to happen.

I hate saying this about Jason Varitek, but I can't take it anymore. Youk at first, Lowell at third and Martinez behind the dish should be the choice for Terry Francona. Are Josh Beckett and Jon Lester going to give up more runs without Varitek to throw to than what they can get back in run support without Varitek in the lineup? I know Varitek is amazing with our pitchers, but I think we need to keep the captain on the bench. He's only getting worse (.239 before the All Star break, .157 after), and we can't afford to keep him in the lineup.

And...scene.


P.S., A special thank you to "The Baseball Show" on Comcast Sportsnet New England for having me on to pimp my blog. I called in from Salt Lake City at 6:15 AM local time and probably fell asleep in the middle of my pitch.

The Calm Before the Storm

As a Red Sox fan living in Brooklyn, NY for the last 16 years or so, I've experienced a lot of conflict. Being surrounded by Yankee fans (and not to sound typically "team-ist", but some of my best friends are Yankee fans), I have always had my guard up to defend against the old taunts of "1918" and "Buckner", and the general arrogance of a fan base that draws upon its 26 world championships (most of which happened way before they were born) whenever they feel threatened.

But it all changed on October 27, 2004 when the Red Sox finally won it all for the first time since - let's hear it Yankee fans! - 1918. You could argue that it really changed on October 20 when the Sox completed the greatest comeback of all time, and the deafening silence I experienced the next day (as I bought several copies of the local rags to celebrate the misery of Yankee fans who so often exploited ours) is pretty strong evidence for that theory. But if we didn't win it all against the Cardinals, the silence wouldn't have lasted.

All of a sudden, we won again in 2007, we were a game away from another World Series last year while the Yankees didn't even make the playoffs, and then we won the first eight match-ups of 2009. The growing silence of Yankee fans as I walked the streets of New York in my Sox hats and jackets and championship t-shirts was starting to get really comfortable. Too comfortable.

But then the biggest spenders in baseball history dropped almost a half billion dollars during one of the worst economic times of this country's history and have since reaped the benefits, as they have been completely dominant since the All-Star break. It looks like they'll face the Tigers in the first round of the playoffs, and I can't imagine them pulling a 2006 in this series. And until the Angles beat us in the postseason, I'll never believe they can. So if I'm right, it's going to get very loud again here in New York as the Yanks and Sox get poised to meet in the ALCS for the first time since the greatest comeback/greatest choke in sports history.

The difference this time is that I feel some apprehension on the part of Yankee fans. Sure, they're yapping a bit here and there, but they still smart from the last six years of disappointment. They are afraid to talk big and be embarrassed if their beloved pinstripers fall short again, especially against their biggest rivals.

They sound like I did before Game 7 of the ALCS in 2003 - hopeful and a bit desperate. After Aaron Bleepin' Boone's dinger, I was planning on moving out of New York as soon as possible because I couldn't take one more sound from what I considered the most obnoxious, most spoiled fans in all of sports. The worst part of that game was that deep down inside, I absolutely, positively knew it was going to happen. It had to. In the most painful way possible - with a lead late and the best pitcher in our recent history on the mound, and then going to extras and losing on a walkoff. Only 2004 could have made that all better. And what has followed since has put Yankee fans in the position of the defensive and desperate.

I only hope the Red Sox can silence Yankee fans once again because I don't want them to get their attitude back. I like having them on edge the way Red Sox fans had been for ages until 2004. I love knowing they can't say jack about the Red Sox unless they can surpass them and win their 27th. And I can hope that their championship drought will be closer to 86 years than a mere nine. Either way, it's going to get loud here in New York in October. And either way, I can quote Mr. T as Clubber Lang in Rocky III and say, "My prediction? Pain."


And...scene.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Genius of "Office Space"

Two excellent uses of gangsta rap in white bread land.





And...scene.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Blaire Reinhard Band

You know I'm a sucker for a well-performed subway music video. Well here's another one.



Blaire Reinhard has a powerful and versatile voice that compels me to stop whatever I'm doing and listen. Whether she's comically seducing a stranger on the subway as above or heart-breakingly lamenting her unworthiness as below, I generally get chills when I listen to her.



I have nothing funny here. I just wanted to give props where props are due.

And...scene.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Steroids Were Just Part of the Game

Any baseball fans out there getting a little tired of the whole steroid issue? Don't get me wrong, I think it's awful that the game has been tainted so much by the addition of performance enhancing drugs. But I would like to look at it a bit differently for a minute.

What I'm beginning to tire of especially is the focus on the individual players and how they cheated the game and should never be considered for the Hall of Fame, etc., etc. I am going to say this, and I hope it pisses you off. The more names that come out, the more I say the individuals did not cheat. I repeat, the players who used performance enhancing drugs during the steroid era of baseball did not cheat. They may have broken the law, but so did the entire coke-head 1986 New York Mets. But like the Mets, they did not cheat. Just as the players who used "greenies" to make an often unbearably slow game a lot more adrenalized broke the law but did not cheat.

I am tired of sports fans and members of the media who are so excited to throw out the word "cheater" in relation to a player who has been linked to PED's that they sound like little kids in the playground getting their cooties shots and yelling "nanny nanny poo poo" at the pariah of the day.

Here's my take. How is it cheating if there was never any rule against it? I know, I know, steroids are against the law, but that has nothing to do with baseball. To be perfectly clear, I HATE the fact that steroids and HGH have contaminated the game of baseball. I don't want professional wrestlers taking the place of fundamentally sound and savvy ballplayers. But it's the game of baseball as a whole that cheated us, not the individual users.

I include all the players who never used anything but never came forward about the invasion of these history changing substances into their profession. I blame the players' union for doing nothing but taking the money that rewarded the best players who were often the dirtiest as a way of bettering contracts for all their players. I blame the owners for turning a blind eye because, hey, the long ball put a lot of asses in the seats. And Bud Selig? Sorry, but you will forever go down as the commissioner of the steroid era. That All-Star Game that ended in a tie is looking like a parking ticket now.

So as fans and media members, please stop calling every player who has been linked to PED's a no-good cheat and a bum and a liar. First of all, as far as the positive test results from 2003 go (whole other issue there, but let's just say none of these names should ever have been leaked, and whoever is responsible should face criminal charges), they may indicate other substances besides steroids such as andro and other legal, over-the-counter supplements. So unless we know for sure that a player used steroids or HGH, don't just bunch them up with the rest and assume they did. But more importantly, it doesn't matter.

The use of steroids was more than tolerated during this era. It was rewarded with huge attendance at games and great ratings and astronomical contracts. It was encouraged - even if it was only indirectly - by owners, and the union, and the media, and the public and even clean players turning a blind eye, and by the immense success the entire sport enjoyed as a direct result of the widespread use of PED's.

Baseball players during the steroid era adapted to the game by taking steroids. There were plenty of players who didn't (but seriously, I don't care who you name, even if it's Griffey or Jeter or anyone else, I wouldn't be surprised if they were using, too), but they are guilty, too, because they only looked out for themselves, not the game. They put their heads down and said, "Well, I know I'M playing the game the way it's supposed to be played," and just hoped things would clean themselves up. I'm not saying they should have "ratted", but the responsibility for the integrity and honor of the game of baseball falls on all of Major League Baseball. So those that did nothing about the use of steroids - players who used or didn't, agents who represented players who used and knew it, managers, coaches, and owners - are all partly responsible for the fact that baseball got so - for lack of a better word - dirty.

So stop looking for scapegoats and individual PED users and accept the fact: it can't be cheating if it's an accepted part of the game.

Now the NBA better get their act together because I would bet almost anything that Dwight Howard has used PED's.

And...scene.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

My Foamy Job

Here is a video of the NERF DART TAG League at Dew Tour in Chicago from my main media man in Chicago, VasTheStampede. I am your friendly neighborhood announcer, in case you couldn't tell.



Yeah, it's pretty much impossible to follow live, too. But I have to admit, it's awesome. One of my favorite Chicagoans of all time, Bill Murray, actually stopped by to watch his son in the tournament (I believe it was 8-year-old Lincoln). He unfortunately did not catch my brilliant use of the phrase "Cinderella story" in describing one of the teams engaged in the competition. But the boss from Hasbro did. And he loved it. Direct hit. POW!!!

And...scene.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Pimpin' Myself...Again

I saw that this brief, dramatic reading of a fine work of sports literature from my occasionally be-wigged days at Sprint Powerview had very few views on my YouTube channel, and decided to help it out a bit. Won't you help me? It's funny, I swear!



Wish I had eight inches of my shaft in my hand.

And...scene.

Video Bar

Loading...

Waterfalls Make Me Thirsty

Waterfalls Make Me Thirsty
Yes, I adore my dog. I'm pathetic.

Monkey Business

Monkey Business
This is art, believe me!