My Foamy Job

Here is a video of the NERF DART TAG League at Dew Tour in Chicago from my main media man in Chicago, VasTheStampede. I am your friendly neighborhood announcer, in case you couldn't tell.



Yeah, it's pretty much impossible to follow live, too. But I have to admit, it's awesome. One of my favorite Chicagoans of all time, Bill Murray, actually stopped by to watch his son in the tournament (I believe it was 8-year-old Lincoln). He unfortunately did not catch my brilliant use of the phrase "Cinderella story" in describing one of the teams engaged in the competition. But the boss from Hasbro did. And he loved it. Direct hit. POW!!!

And...scene.

Pimpin' Myself...Again

I saw that this brief, dramatic reading of a fine work of sports literature from my occasionally be-wigged days at Sprint Powerview had very few views on my YouTube channel, and decided to help it out a bit. Won't you help me? It's funny, I swear!



Wish I had eight inches of my shaft in my hand.

And...scene.

We're Talkin' 'Bout "Practice", "Playoffs?!" and "I Wanna Kiss You"

Get ready to rock out to your favorite ridiculous sports interview sound bytes. The REMIX!!!



And...scene.

I'm Speechless: Hodgman Exposes Obama's Double Life as Jock and Nerd

You may be a geek and/or a nerd, Mr. Hodgman, but you are my hero.



Were you worried about being wrestled to the ground by the Secret Service when you called the president "gangly" and mocked his ears not once but twice?

And...scene.

Google and You Will Find!

For some unknown reason this morning I flashed back to a scene in "Step Brothers"* which involved white dog crap. I remember watching that scene and having one of those moments that I often have with any Judd Apatow production where I go, "Oh, YEAH! I remember that!" Anyone who grew up during the '70's and '80's remembers action figures like Steve Austin, a.k.a. the 6-million dollar man, that Steve Carell's character collected in "The 40 Year Old Virgin", and getting busted drawing penises in grammar school as dramatized by Jonah Hill in "Superbad". Wait. Never mind that second example.

Anyhoo, I googled this exact phrase - "step brothers white dog shit" - and got a link to a thread which I found not only hilarious, but gratifyingly informative. Because I was wondering exactly at that moment, as I was googling "step brothers white dog shit", where all the frickin' white dog shit had gone, and I discovered that someone else in the world wide web also had way too much time on his hands. Check it out! You really can find everything on Google.

Just for the hell of it, here's the Superbad trailer:



Unfortunately, the trailer doesn't show the wonderfully evocative white dog crap scene. You'll just have to see the movie for yourself. POW!

And...scene.

* Come on, Rotten Tomatoes, lighten up! It's FUNNY!

A Day at the Office

This is my job for AMP Energy at NASCAR events. I pimp Dale Earnhardt, Jr.'s ride to his disciples who would do anything for a chance to do a 360 degree burnout. You'll see why*:

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...



HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW!!!

And...scene.

* I also shot this and edited it...in my sleep...while solving world hunger...and curing cancer...and sleeping.

RIPFEST 10 on Fire!

RIPFEST 10 was a huge success, and so was the after party...until the venue caught fire. Then it was an even huger success.



And...scene.

Stephen Lynch is Gerbicidal

And...scene.

I Like the Puppets Much Better Than the Players

Nike's ad wizards never cease to amaze me.





And...scene.

Eliminating the Middle Man

And...scene.

Big Papi Needs a Big Nappy

I love you, Papi, and I always will, but I think it's time you sat out for a while. I can't imagine how crushed your confidence must be, especially after your 0-7 and 12-runner-stranding effort in yesterday's very winnable 12-inning loss to the Angels. But I'm starting not to care.

I know, I know, it's up to Tito to sit you, but I'm hoping that if he won't sit you that you'll sit yourself. I hope you come around because we can sure use you. But right now you're only hurting us as much as you used to help us so significantly and so consistently over the years.

If it's over for Big Papi, then I say to you, David Ortiz, you are forever a Boston hero, and you will be missed tremendously. I hope you can come back, but only after you sit out for a while and relax. You deserve a break, big guy. Carrying a city on your shoulders year after year must be exhausting.

And...scene.